I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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