Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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