i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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