Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
