all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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