last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
be right there i have to get my cape
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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