i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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