my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You are a genius and a whore.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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