So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
