omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Oh god it's open bar.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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