I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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