he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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