Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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