The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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