you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
