all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
