the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
