whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
