I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
