just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
