Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
