My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Someone shit on the floor
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
