it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
