I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
