As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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