I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
