btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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