Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
