ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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