It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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