This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
