So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i dont even know how to be here
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
