Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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