i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
ttyl tear gas
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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