Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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