would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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