i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Enjoy the penises
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
