I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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