I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
