He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Drunk is a universal language darling
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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