I think im going to throw up on grandma
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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