Don't you send me to vm
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
