I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
