Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
being pregnant is like rehab
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
