he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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