just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
