if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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