I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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