you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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