I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
