you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
