Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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