I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
