A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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