Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
