yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
