I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
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I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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