I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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