cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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