I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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