i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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