My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
